bad feeling of mine

I hate this feeling. Being sad because i have to separated with my family again. I know, as the time pass by, i will being fine again. But it hurt me.. i know, i’m a little bit introvert.. just my family that could make me feel comfort, no matter what.. they know that in fact i’m a little bit crazy.. they know my personality that i never expose to the other.. but i actually realize, it’s the way for me being mature.. far from family, living in a real life when you really have to interact with people..  living n a world where you can’t just take shelter in your parents armpit.. living in jogja made me realize a lot of things. My real personality that like to have a lot of friends, but not so close to them(just really close with some), my personality that want to looked as a nice girl, with a wide smile to all the people, my personality that sometimes being so nerd, crazy, and really like bishounen,  my heart that really fragile, my moody and naive personality, and the worst is that i’m just a lazy, unactive, and careless with my environment. I don’t know why, but seeing my active friends make me think,” what a lazy girl i am”. With unactive organisation work, not research too. I just fell really ordinary. Just doing what in front of me, without being curious.. It’s strange!! But i can’t help this feeling. I’m not a risk taker, and choose to stay in comfortable zone. . Why can’t i be like ko-ki that really enthusiastic? ? i have a dream, that is to go to japan.. but why do i seems like have no motivation? I really don’t understand..I don’t like being like this. But i can’t change it too for now.. i know about my weakness, but i can’t repair it.. i feel bad about it.. huhuhuhu.Just like my friend said, i just can’t open to the other. I keep up all of my feeling alone. Sometimes i feel cruel. When i nice to the other while i really don’t like that people. I fell like i  have two faces. That’s bad.. really bad