A Monologue of (Two Sides of) A Girl Called Mince

So here I am. Looking at a reflected me on the laptop's screen. She's smiling. she has a sweet smile. a round eyes, with dark circle around it. her hair is short. She lost a lot of her hair since she got into college. what a pity. but she's not ugly. she's not..

why is she staring at me? that girl? is she startled by me? oh.. yeah.. but why? why should she do that? no.. no.. wait. why is now she staring at me like that? give me a "what a pity look? what a weird girl.

Hey, why do she looks a bit confuse? because i'm staring at her? because i try to look into her eyes? wondering what she has been thinking. discovering her feeling. she's looking back at me. with a sharp look. is she mad? or is she irritated?

who would not mad if someone staring at me like that? i am mad. yes, i am. why is she trying to knows about me? just, leave me alone girl. leave me alone, undiscovered. so she can live her life just like that. be a kind girl, hypocrite, easily fooled. always happy, like nothing ever hurt her. stupid girl!!

but, why now she looked hurt? am i hurt her? am i?

and she looked sad. hey girl, are you that scared to hurt people/ why doesn't she just saying what she's been thinking? say to the, she doesn't want to! say to them she already fed up! is that really hard? if she doesn't like anything, why doesn't she just shout it out loud? she can't make everyone happy . doesn't she know that?

what did i do wrong/ why now she looked angrier? am i hurt her? i'm sorry.. i'm sorry even if i don't know what i did wrong.. where's that smile? why doesn't she smile like before? i'm sorry..

she said sorry? persuade me to smile? girl, i'm fed up. how could she said sorry when she doesn't even know what she did wrong? stupid girl.. stupid girl,, how could there's a girl like her? trying to pleased everyone. pressing her feeling like that. oh, i'm fed up!!

she looked fed up. oh no, please don't be like that. i'm sorry.. honestly, i always feels bad everytime i made somebody else feels bad. that's why i'm trying to be nice. i do whatever everyone said i have to. it doesn't mean i don't have a will. sometimes i can be cynical too. i'm not that kind. i'm not. it just that, i feel happy if i can make another happy. i'm happy if in their eyes i'm that "kind and nice" person. i'm afraid of being hated y peoples. i'm afraid that i will make them leave me. i love to be loved by peoples.

 she looked sad now. hmm, maybe i'm being too cruel to her. it's not that i hate that side of her. it because i care. i'm afraid that because of that "soft personality" she'll hurt herself. doesn's she tired sometimes?

pyuuuh.. she looked softer now, even a little bit sad i think. looking her at an angry state only makes her ugly. smile girl! smile! i always smile. even if it hurt. smile heals our soul. doesn't she know that? why do we have to be so hard? we have God, family, friends. there's no reason we're not smiling.

there come again her smile! stupid girl. she's smile like a fool. but honestly, it makes her pretty. ah now, it stupid me! well, it doesn't matter. if she want to be like that, then let her be. why? you asking me why? because i'm still here. i always here. being her dark side. crying for her sake.hurting for her sake. being cruel for her sake. curse for her sake. hitting person (on mind only) for her sake. hating for her sake. i always here. letting all of her negative emotion flow out. through me. so she can live the way she want to. what? you said i'm being weak? it's not a dark side character? b**ch please.. hahaha. sometimes what being dark is being shining. and so do shining being  dark. there's no thing in this world that 100% bad or 100% good. stupid you.. you're being so funny.. hahaha..

 look at her! now she even laughing. what a relieve.. doesn't she pretty when she smile and laugh?

WHAT'S BEING REAL AND WHAT'S NOT REAL? I WONDER.. HEHEHEH...