i Mean (Life is Not always Easy)
Finally, decided to post this post which had been stayed in the draft since 20th october of 2015.
Just think that, i need to publish it, as a reminder about my over worried self^^
so, here it is...
i don't know where should begin. is it about yesterday or about the day before? or even before that? anything didn't happen as i want lately and i just feeling so bad that i wanted to get some fresh air. even three days ago something hit me so hard that i can't sleep well.
ahh okay, i will start with my horrible interview first.. it happened 4 days ago. someone said something about my alumni. said that people from there usually thinks they're on the top and the best. he didn't seem to like me, as well as an employer who immediately change her expression as soon as i said where did i study before.. i didn't hurt by the fact he said i didn't suit the position and refer me to other division, because what he said is true, but honestly i've been hurt by the way he treat me because of my background.
not to mention that i've been worried about my future. i didn't receive any calls from the place i want. i feel a lil bit frustated too since my friends one by one got their job while i'm still staying at home, waiting, worrying about where will i ended up. those reasons enough to make me feel bad lately. i miss my friends as well :( some negative stuffs in internet , frustation i got about ones i love too. really, i feel like everything accumulating as one.
that's when i started to think and look back, i wandering around my blog, and other blog. i found that my friend actually think my life is so flat. i don't know how to feel. actually i didn't get everything as easy as she thinks too, or take every bad thing as easy as that.. it just that i make my self appears like that. "do you know how many sleepless night i spent as i worried over anything? do you know how much i cried by my self because i feel hurt just by little things?" actually i'm an over sensitive person, but i tried to not care so much because i hurt too much too.. but then after i thinking for a while. is it her fault to think of me like that? NOT AT ALL! she's always there for me, it's me who make her think like that. she always help me. she's my really best friend.. and even though we're that close, it's me who always choose to not showing her some sides of my self. i shouldn't feel disappointed at her like this at all. i feel bad and guilty once again for ever felt that way. i'm not doing my best for her too even though she did a lot for me :(
i wandering around my home too, at my second floor where i write this now. when i saw my sanggah, and wandering in the back side too, i feel some air hit my face. that time i realized, i often feel this way before. long before i live alone, i always wandering like this at my own home whenever i got some trouble. i talk to god, alone. and just stay quite like this while listening to some music, trying to find my inner peace. that way, i feel a much much better.
and that's what calm me most too. i started to think "what's the rush?" "all this time i believe that god will guide me to the right way.. he/she must have the best plan for me, that's why i have to be more patient.. maybe i will find another way.. " at that very moment too, i realize that life not always easy, but everything will just be okay..... i believe in you <3
i feel like i'm a lost child, wandering to find my way back home......... but even if i lost now, i'll find my home in the end... so, fighting!!
Just think that, i need to publish it, as a reminder about my over worried self^^
so, here it is...
i don't know where should begin. is it about yesterday or about the day before? or even before that? anything didn't happen as i want lately and i just feeling so bad that i wanted to get some fresh air. even three days ago something hit me so hard that i can't sleep well.
ahh okay, i will start with my horrible interview first.. it happened 4 days ago. someone said something about my alumni. said that people from there usually thinks they're on the top and the best. he didn't seem to like me, as well as an employer who immediately change her expression as soon as i said where did i study before.. i didn't hurt by the fact he said i didn't suit the position and refer me to other division, because what he said is true, but honestly i've been hurt by the way he treat me because of my background.
not to mention that i've been worried about my future. i didn't receive any calls from the place i want. i feel a lil bit frustated too since my friends one by one got their job while i'm still staying at home, waiting, worrying about where will i ended up. those reasons enough to make me feel bad lately. i miss my friends as well :( some negative stuffs in internet , frustation i got about ones i love too. really, i feel like everything accumulating as one.
that's when i started to think and look back, i wandering around my blog, and other blog. i found that my friend actually think my life is so flat. i don't know how to feel. actually i didn't get everything as easy as she thinks too, or take every bad thing as easy as that.. it just that i make my self appears like that. "do you know how many sleepless night i spent as i worried over anything? do you know how much i cried by my self because i feel hurt just by little things?" actually i'm an over sensitive person, but i tried to not care so much because i hurt too much too.. but then after i thinking for a while. is it her fault to think of me like that? NOT AT ALL! she's always there for me, it's me who make her think like that. she always help me. she's my really best friend.. and even though we're that close, it's me who always choose to not showing her some sides of my self. i shouldn't feel disappointed at her like this at all. i feel bad and guilty once again for ever felt that way. i'm not doing my best for her too even though she did a lot for me :(
i wandering around my home too, at my second floor where i write this now. when i saw my sanggah, and wandering in the back side too, i feel some air hit my face. that time i realized, i often feel this way before. long before i live alone, i always wandering like this at my own home whenever i got some trouble. i talk to god, alone. and just stay quite like this while listening to some music, trying to find my inner peace. that way, i feel a much much better.
and that's what calm me most too. i started to think "what's the rush?" "all this time i believe that god will guide me to the right way.. he/she must have the best plan for me, that's why i have to be more patient.. maybe i will find another way.. " at that very moment too, i realize that life not always easy, but everything will just be okay..... i believe in you <3
i feel like i'm a lost child, wandering to find my way back home......... but even if i lost now, i'll find my home in the end... so, fighting!!
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